I wish they all could be Southern California girls

I found this series of newly released, limited edition Inland Empire Barbies posted in the comments section on a random MySpace page. We all need to post something a little superfluous now and then. After all, we can't always be ranting and complaining about trivial matters that few people outside of our privileged circle of personal ego support would care about, now can we? I found it amusing, mainly because it features the denizens of my home town & environs, except they seem to have missed a few towns and sections- Colton, Rialto, Redlands, Yucaipa, Victorville; Delmon Heights & Muscoy, Waterman Gardens, Cajon, North Park & others. I guess you can't have everything. I don't think you need to be from Berdoo/ Verdugo to appreciate or be offended by the humor here. San Bernardino truly is a microcosmic blueprint of much of these United States. Maybe you'll be amused, too.
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Mattel recently announced the release of the improved limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Inland Empire market:

Rancho Cucamonga Barbie

This princess Barbie is sold only at Victoria Gardens. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

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Upland Barbie

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

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Pomona Barbie

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills). Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

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Chino Hills Barbie

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them. ____________________________________________________________________

Fontucky Barbie

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

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Hesperia Barbie

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Fontucky Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

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Claremont Barbie

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

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San Bernardino Barbie

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

the spike of infamy & the blip of obscurity

enjoy your 15 minutes of dubious fame 'cause things just changed. in the future- meaning now- it will be a marginally decipherable blip on the monitor as your genius briefly peaks, totters and abruptly tanks with hardly an honorable mention. only those who belong to the flavor of the month trend club will see you spark as you flicker and fall forever into obscurity. yes, there will be another mention of your name and the feat(s) you performed- somewhere in the midst of the tedious countdown of events at the hazy twilight of the passing of the old year into the new. they will recall you once more, but who will be sober enough to pay attention or care?